Sunday, July 17, 2016

smile

Forgive me blog for I have sinned.

 It's been one too many days since I have blogged.

Honestly, I haven't been inspired to write something. I mean, I went to this party the other day and it just felt like a big waste. To a point. I left early and went home. It felt so great to be home. Sometimes its just too much for me to be around too many people. Other people probably feel that way too.

Anyway, I feel pretty hopeful about school this year. These next two years, I just want to focus on my future, no matter how corny it sounds and stuff. Really hoping I get some scholarships :))) (fingers crossed)

-Jade xx

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Yay!

I had fun today. I don't think I have much to say because today seemed pretty short. I woke up, lingered around the house for a few hours, went out to go play Pokemon Go (which has been the craze in the world). I'm starting to feel pretty good about having no friends. I feel as if I cleaned out my closet and I can buy new clothes now. The things in the closet being the old "friends" and the new clothes being just..anything new. I don't care if no one responds to my text anymore. I don't care if people don't notice me. I notice me and that's all that matters. 

-Jade xx

Monday, July 11, 2016

Welp

At the moment, i'm in the pits of realizing I really don't have any friends. The people I thought that were there for me treat me like i'm just a casual school friend when I thought I had just begun some life-long friendships. It was all fake, a sham. This entire summer, I've been lingering around trying to talk and hang out with people that don't care about my well-being.

I'm the kind of person that try to make people feel better and just be the best friend I can be. Like, who wouldn't want that? I'm not trying to say i'm perfect but I try my very best. I always do, with everything I do. People come to me with their problems and I try to work it out the best I can. They end up feeling better, and saying thank you. Newsflash, everyone: As many times as CareerCrusing has said it, i'm not a counselor. Yes, I try to help you out as much as I can BUT I AM HUMAN, ITS ONLY CONSIDERATE. Yes, I admit, sometimes I just wanna tell people, "I don't care about your problems, I've got enough of those myself."

I admit, I sometimes I put people's emotions above mine. I need to stop doing that. I matter so much more. Because at the end of the day, I have myself, the greatest friend I've had since day one. Do people ever ask me how i'm doing? No. How my day has been? No. How's life, doing alright? No. Wanna get some lunch and hang? Nope. Mind you, these are the same people that are spilling their everlasting emotions and secrets to me. I don't get it, do I come off as a caring person? Because in reality, unless you are my family, I don't care about you. I mean, do you care that I feel lonely in these last two years of high school? Nope.

These last two years of high school are going to be dedicated to one person: me. I'm going to experience high school with my lens, I don't need baggage friends that are empty. I'm going to go to homecoming and prom even if I don't have a date. I'm going to go to football games. I'm going to participate in clubs for me. I want the best for me. Hell, i'm taking the SAT soon! As a Junior! I'm ahead of these fake losers! Soon, I'll apply for colleges and i'll be miles above of you fakes!


I will be the greatest I can be.
I already have a great start.

-Jade xx

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Hello

Life as a sixteen year old black girl in 2016 is well, you can't put a textbook definition for it. It's a difficult yet empowering time. I'm going to be a Junior in high school soon so that's a big step. I have always heard bad things about Junior year so fingers-crossed i'll have a smooth ride. Oh, who am I kidding, its going to be so stressful. BUT I must say positive because I can't risk a freak out. I think a couple deep breaths and LOTS of food will help me. Speaking of food, I hope my mouth nerves feel better soon!!! Those stupid dentist people didn't tell me crap about the healing for these fillings. I can't eat a lot of things and I can't chew on the right side. I was eating a burger today and I bit on the onion and the pain was like no other; I felt as if i bit into concrete.

Well, wish me luck to future eating

-Jade xx